POV: On Women, Marriage and Unhappiness

We are, first and foremost, a woman. We should first take that into consideration before we think of others. I believe that to be happy, we should first address the needs of the women in us.

As we grow older we take on different roles that takes so much of us. Two of those things are being a wife and a mother. I sincerely believe that being both in the same setting, meaning having your own family, there might come a time wherein you may have lost yourself.

When my mom and I use to Sharon Cuneta movie entitled "Nang Iwanan Mo Ako" (When You Left Me). The movie is about a woman whose husband left her with almost nothing for a different woman. It took a toll on her since all she knew was taking care of her husband and their child. She was so lost at the beginning that she almost went into depression. Til she realized that she needed to do something. Having the knack for making good food, she went into business for purposes of paying bills. But through this process she learned that she had the ability to create something outside the once-comfort of marriage.

Having had a mom who worked day and night and still had the time to cook meals, iron my clothes and clean the house, I can't help but wonder if she really felt alive, herself and at her most happiest. Was her desire as woman met? Was she able to accomplish everything she wanted in her life? Was she ultimately happy? Was being a wife and mother enough to keep her smiling everyday? What else did she want but couldn't voice out

Or was she just contented, settled that in this country you are not given a choice to get of a marriage that is not helping you grow and feel accomplished?

I believe in marriage. I believe that we are not destined to live alone in this world. But what if that necessarily is not through marriage? What if the tradition and usual expectation of having a family is not entirely fit for every Filipina? What if we can only find happiness outside our marriage?

I know many of you will say that one shouldn't enter into a marriage if one has second thoughts. But who marries with doubt? All of us dream of the fairytale happily ever after. Many would also say that one shouldn't get out of marriage just because we it working out or the going gets tough. That the couple should work it out.

For those of you who are wondering, I am all for Kris filing for annulment irregardless of how it would affect her brother's reputation, her family's name or her career. For me, a woman unhappy breeds unhappy children. If only by this will she find a way to her happiness, by all means do so. No Filipina takes annulment lightly, that I believe. And mostly likely, she has thought it through. Having a president for brother or having a prestigious name will NOT guarantee a life free of troubles. We should all do what we can to find that opening for true happiness.

I know men and maybe other women will have tons of rebuttal with regard to this topic. But this is what I believe in. It is better to get out of a marriage with someone you use to love than stay in a marriage with someone you will begin to hate.

Note: I didn't include religious beliefs in marriage here because that will be a Pandora's box I refuse to open. This POV in not about religion but the ultimate happiness of a woman I prefer not to mention God here because I think every woman who wants to get out of a marriage consults God at the beginning, at the middle and at the end of her every decision.

P.S. No point in posting negative comments about my opinion because comment box is moderated. Make your own blog and post your opinion there instead. Peace!

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  1. very well said Shen.Hugs!..every lady deserves to be happy in her own way,not by any others way.

  2. i was posting my comment on your post about kris and james issue when the power just went out.. :S i am not a fan of kris aquino and will never be but my heart goes out to women in a distressed marital relationship. marriage is more than a status. in our country, it is sacred. However, i do not believe that marriage is always forever. forever is a relative term for different people. that is why there are legal processes available to everyone be it annulment, legal separation or declaration of nullity everyone has the right to file such remedy even kris aquino. :D the pains a woman has to go through not only for herself but for her children and admitting to oneself that he is not the one or he does not love you even adds more pain. i do not think that the bible forbids a woman to take a proper recourse against her philandering husband. i think kris has exerted her best efforts to save her marriage and her reasons to give it up is something we could never question.

  3. i love your post Shen. I love Kris Aquino but sometimes I just wish she'll just keep her mouth shut. Well, ilang beses na ba siyang nagsabi na makikipaghiwalay na siya pero magkakabati din in the end. So parang after all those usapan, iyakan dito at iyakan doon, parang nasasayang lang oras ng mga tao. Now, if she thinks she'll be better off without James then go. I also believe na one should not stay married if it doesn't work anymore. tama ka, unhappy people (not necessarily women) produce unhappy kids. (ehem ehem) so better to let go and live a happy and peaceful life. I'm a Catholic but yes, I'm all for annulment or divorce. Bakit magsasama kung hindi masaya? Bakit magtitiis kung hindi na kaya? I'm sure the kids would prefer to have a broken family than be a family not binded by Love and Respect. Wag na niya isipin ang pagiging presidente ng kapatid nya, I'm sure Filipinos are much wiser now. Having a sister who's annulled won't be a measurement if he's a good president or not. hindi yan basehan. Tagal ng sakit ng ulo ng Aquino family si kris pero mahal na mahal pa din natin si Cory at kahit si Ninoy. Nabago ba pagtingin natin sa kanila? hindi naman di ba.

    well..un lang.
    (apektado eh no hahaha)

  4. Great Post!
    Mahirap talaga maging babae. Kahit dito sa States, there are so many subtle hints at inequality and male dominance etc it's almost hard to know how to feel about the unfairness.
    I've always 'been one of the boys' and had lots of guy friends, but as I get older, I notice that there really is a distinct difference in the way I'm treated versus them.
    I'm trying to learn now how to balance being able to speak my mind, and at the same time, fil all the roles that are expected of me so I don't step on anyone's toes.

    All I want is to be happy and successful, it's pretty sad that we, as women, have to work harder for that in a man's world.

  5. This is exactly my point why I want to get married in a country with divorce, or, I don't really mind not getting married at all. Love is a union by itself. Maybe it's just me, oh well, it's me. Thanks for this post, Shen. Dapat in person naten pinagchikahan. =P


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