We owe it all to you, Momma!

Happy Mother's Day to everyone!!!

As you all know, I don't have my mom with me anymore. She died two years ago from Aneurysm. I still have a hard time not having her with me. I still miss her everyday. I think of her more then ever. You see, I always thought that my mom would be there for me forever. That she would be that permanent pillar in my life to hold me up when everything is falling apart. I can't say how many times she has rescued from my troubles. How often she got mad at me for my failures and bad decisions. But she was always there, guiding and providing for me. I never really appreciated those things until she left...

My mom and I could never be more different. We fought a lot. From waking up early to sleeping too late, mom always found fault in everything I did and I never thought she was proud of me. Even when I was struggling in law school, I never knew if she understood what I was going through... There was even a time that I left the house just so I could get away from her. I feel so much as a disappointed but being with her hurt and made me feel so bad. Countless have I rebelled against her...

But even with all those things that I did, she was there. She may not have understood everything I went through but she held me... She was there.

Ma, I know I have not been the best daughter that you deserved but I'm making something of myself now and I hope that you're happy from where you now. I also know its futile to wish that you were still here but it doesn't make me wish any less than to be with you now. I'm so sorry for being so selfish and unkind. For having said the hurtful things to you every time we fought. For not having understood the feelings you had ... for not being supportive of you and what you did. I'm so sorry... Maybe you can't hear me or maybe you could... But I really am sorry for all those things, Mommy."

Today is your day, Ma... I usually made sure I'm specially good and caring to you on this day. I even sing for you sappy mother songs, remember?I usually get you a book that you never read. We have breakfast in Delifrance Libis after mass and then we go to Podium when its open to look at Bayo or Kamiseta. You would get mad if If I get more than two clothings but you would pay for it anyway. You even threaten to get my baon as payment. Then I would ask if we could go to National because even if I'm older, I still love going there to buy books. You even said that National was my Toy Kingdom even when I was young. It still is, Ma. Before four o'clock you would want to go home because you will be watching The Buzz. We would watch it together while I go online. Then you cook dinner for us and we will spend the night watching corny Tagalog Movies like Doremi, Nang Iniwan Mo Ako or Bituing Walang Ningning. I still watch them now, Momma.

Now, I don't have anything but flowers and candles for you. I still hurt, Momma. Days like this, its hurts more... I wish the day would just go by as I sleep. But I know I have to honor your memory with this day as well.

Happy Mother's Day to you, Momma. You've got the best seat in the House Up there with Mama Mary, celebrating Mother's Day I'm sure. Have fun and remember that I always think of you.

Mahal na mahal na mahal na mahal kita, Ma...

I Miss you...

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  1. You made me cry again Shen!

    Your mom loves you so much and wherever she is now, I'm sure she's proud of you.

    Happy Mother's Day to your Momma Shen :D

  2. Hugs, Shen! I know it will always be painful without your mom in your life but I am sure she is happy seeing you are someone she is so proud of, a woman with so many accomplishments and someone whose big heart is evident in what she does. She did a good job of raising you and I'm pretty sure that makes her smile in heaven :)


  3. she must be glowing with happiness, looking at her girl grow up into a lovely woman!


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