Thursday, June 30, 2011

Why I Am Not A Teenage Mom. (Rated PG)


News of pregnancy of beauty and feminine products and prime time actress, Andi Eigennman, surfaced out. Her mother, veteran actress, Jaclyn Jose, has already confirmed it. Her daughter is 18 weeks and 2 days pregnant at 21 years of age.

Through this, RH Bill is back on track. And people who approve of it is seriously pushing for the passing of said bill. With all the news of STD' cases and unwanted teenage pregnancy rampaging all over, I am not surprise.

But seriously, do we need the government to help protect us in deciding on  doing what we already know isn't suppose to happen to us if we only stop for little while and think?

I'm not going to be holier than though person and tell you that I'm all saint that's why I'm not a teenage mother. No, definitely not. I have my fair share of being a rowdy teenager and dating men who wanted nothing but to get into my pants or skirt, despite me not having the lushest of body or anything. If I list them all down now, 24 hours isn't enough. I would probably need a week.

But what got me through those times my hormones were raging and my heart and other parts of my body seem to overcome my brain was my deep fear for my mother.

It's no news that I was very close to my mother and its no news that I was a difficult child. I ran away, tried different bad things, my parents got called several times to the principal's office and almost didn't graduate third year high school. I had those "peer pressure" moments, made out with a guy at the back of the school and had boyfriends really young. I even called myself once, a sexual being. I did try a lot of different things at a really young age.

But seeing how my mom suffered from work and how hard times and money were for us, made me realize that if I succumbed to all the sexual tensions and got pressured by my friends who are doing it, I know that I will just add to my mom's sufferings. I was already more than she could take and I couldn't afford to add more trouble for me.

There were times when I would look at my mom and wish that she would just stop with what her doing and rest. But she couldn't since bills came every month and I was studying in an expensive school with an expensive course. I wasn't doing that well in school, too, and I was scared to give her more than she could take.

Most of all, my mom instilled in me ambition. She said that not everyone is lucky to survive teenage pregnancy  and have a great life. Not everyone is strong enough. And she didn't want me to take a chance because I may not be that tough after all. Not with how much money she was making, we certainly can't afford another mouth to feed.

She instilled in me dreams of going to Europe, having expensive things, living in my place... that if I go get pregnant, I should have most if not all of those things already. She instilled in me that she isn't capable of giving me all life's luxuries and that only my education is the only thing she can leave me. She also told me that she wouldn't have anything to do me when that happened because I have seriously disappointed her and threw out everything she taught me. Seriously, with the hundred of times she told me that, I believed her.

I think most parents do what they can to protect their children and shelter them from all life's monsters. But there will come a time that WE should take charge and make our own decisions. Whatever education we have, we are children of our parents and I think its time we look into their lives. How do they pay their bills, buy our cellphones, pay for our school and our leisure. It's time to ask what they expect from us and do what we can to achieve it.

I know how it is to be in love and to prove that love in whatever way we can. I know how it feels to want to tear yourself away from your man and just be one with him. Damn sure, I know how all those feelings. But Bill or no Bill, we should know that every action has an equal reaction. Most importantly, you and boyfriend are not the only person in the world. And most likely, he's not going to be the last man on earth. Not everything is about romance. And not everything if about just getting off and feeling that oh-so fantastic orgasm.

So before you do the deed... think of yourself first ten years from now. Think of your first dream of who to become when you grow old. Think of your parents or guardian. Think of the consequences first, please. Since I cannot go into details of how I was able to survive those years without having to succumbed to teenage pregnancy or drugs, I'm sure you have the right tools and teachings from your school and parents and even friends to help you do the right things.

Everything can wait... I cannot express how true this is. I am a living attestation on that.

I admire women who were able to become a magnificent mother despite the fact of having to deal with it in such young age. Sometimes, I find myself envying them because now I won't have my mom to be there when that happens. But I was glad I didn't have to let my mom go through with that.

Remember that MTV series 16 and Pregnant? That everyone in the family becomes involve when there's someone pregnant at such an early age? It's true. I've seen it. Imagine if I let my mom go through all the things with her hypertension and all... seriously, I would have killed her earlier. And with how difficult times are now these days, please think before you let another being into this world.

But if it really can't be helped... please use protection. So, if you're a teenager... please please think before you "do". Yes, pun intended. 

Most of all, we are a God-fearing nation. Ask for His guidance when you think you can't think anymore.

Disclaimer: I am not judging teenage moms out there and cannot presume to know the difficulties or the joy of it. Like I said, I admire those women who were able to become good parents despite at such a young age. I am just sharing my two cents and experience on this subject and I hope that with this post, I can open a troubled teenager's mind out there to think before they act. So please refrain from unnecessary mean comments. Thank you.

Photo credit here.

15 comments :

Kumikomae said...

oh gosh! parang the buzz na ito ms. shen. :) but yes, the relevance of it all is quite heavy to me too. sad to say that teen pregnancy is really a problem. i will always see children as gifts but i think these "gifts" should be deserved first... and raging hormones doesn't count as reason to be blessed.

i agree with you! i believe the values that brought me up, esp my mom, my fear and compassion towards all her sacrifices just for me and my siblings, i can't just throw that away to scratch an itch.

Lee Shen Gee said...

I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels that way. :)

Rae said...

I wasn't a teenage mom.  But I had lots of friends who were and I'm glad to see that many of them are doing good in life. Some are even *somehow* more successful than those I know who didn't become teenage moms.  That being said, I agree with many of the things you said.

I'd like to add though, let's "support" the expectant young moms and teenage moms who carried through with their pregnancy.  I'm so proud of them.

Lee Shen Gee said...

I'm there to support expectant young mothers of course because they do need support, not to mention money and extra hands to help them out. But the reason I made this post is because I want to be realistic. Saying things that young mom's are better mothers than who aren't somehow sends a message that it's okay to get pregnant at an early age. Which realistically, isn't the case at all. Because most often than that, the reason they get pregnant wasn't a valid life choice at all but to succumb to raging hormones.

Gellie Anne Abogado said...

I can relate to this blog post. 


I'm 21, civil status: single, childredn: none.
I've had my fair shares of temptations and those been there, done that stuffs. I wasn't the good daughter; but I'm the eldest. I've made my mom go through a lot and I also did run away, almost eloped but came back and did what's right.

I graduated on time and I'm proud to say that my mom is proud of what I have accomplished so far. I'm helping my mom with my youngest sister's tuition fee and I guess I'm becoming the good daughter now. Then my dad asked me when I would want to get married and he smiled at my answer: "Career muna para makapagpahinga ka na dad. Tulong ako. At ayokong mag-asawa ng nakadepende sa inyo..." :)

The realization happened when I suddenly saw old schoolmates getting pregnant and all at an early age and how they say they'd be this great doctor, newscaster, dentist, etc., and now, they can't. I saw only a few who actually made it through and continued studying like my best friend who is now graduating college; but most of them did not make it. I also thought about parents esp my dad who works abroad just so he could give us the best education.

It is a case to case basis and I don't want to judge those young mothers because it all depends as to how they would be able to handle it.

But as what I've always been telling myself. Prevention is definitely better than cure.

Why not resist the temptation by thinking about your future, your parents, those who depend on you; then maybe they might have prevented early pregnancy.

sorry my comment was to long. i guess i got carried away :P



much love,
http://gelleesh.blogspot.com

skysenshi said...

I actually wish now that I were a teenage mom so I could be "barkada" with my kids. Haha! But after going through so many boyfriends, I realized I am not interested in (straight) men or any sexual relationship with them for that matter. That's why impossible pala ako maging teenage mom.

Lee Shen Gee said...

I'm sure you'll be a great mom, though. :) what's important is that we realize things before actually making mistakes. hindi ung, nagkamali na tsaka lang may epiphany or enlightenment. It's not fair for the family lalo na sa bata.

Marge said...

my dad almost single handedly raised me.  it's hard to be alone and working and have to raise a child, and it isn't just about providing either.  it's about making sure your spawn will be a contributor to society instead of being a burden to it.  that's a tall order for someone who wasn't handed instructions when a child arrived.
my dad did his best to make sure i see guys as friends first, most of all as a human being instead of this thing of novelty and seemingly from another species.  it scares me now how so many women speak of men like they are creatures with no fore-brain yet can sleep with them like there is no tomorrow =(.  awareness is empowering like rita wilson said.  get to know yourself first then your man. hay this is sad.
thank you though, this made me miss my long talks [i mean sermons] with my dad.  now they don't seem like sermons but a guy sharing his thoughts and hopes with his young daughter.

NinMonster said...

I am so inspired by this post. Well done! :D

NinMonster said...

I hope you don't mind me sharing this on Twitter. :)

Michelle Tiu said...

I find it kind of sad that teenage pregnancy is working its way to  becoming a norm in society.

CNC said...

I am a teenager, and this post is very helpful. Thanks Ms. Shen. :)

torque15 said...

shen, and kumi, can totally relate with how moms play a vital role in their influence on us. plus one's own decision as well.

madelyn ebro said...

I totalyl agree with this statement: "But seriously, do we need the government to help protect us in deciding on  doing what we already know isn't suppose to happen to us if we only stop for little while and think?". Motivates me to write something about RH Bill :) Thanks!

Hana Abello said...

I would just like to share that the reason for the RH bill and the government's move to protect us is simply not everyone is capable of logic, or simple ambition. Most were probably not blessed with great parents instilling values that would have prevented them from doing the deed. i myself am not a teenage mother, and like you, this is because I am afraid. Personally, I am afraid of responsibility and losing my future, when I have barely started living my life. It's crazy stupid to be letting our government do the thinking for us, but a lot of people are not capable of this. Sad because our taxes would have to pay for their lack of ambition, but if it will save one child from living an even sadder life, then I'm all for it.

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