Happy Birthday, Mom... :(

Hi Momma,

Remember this picture? Well, I honestly can't. But by the look of it... this is a weekend or vacation time and you dragged me away from sleeping in late. You use to love having your picture taken... but when everything went digital, you shied away from taking pictures. What's up with that, Ma? I guess that's another thing I will never get a chance to know...

There's acutally a lot of things I don't know about you, Ma. I forgot to ask how many Giordano shirts yoou wore at the span of your life because there was a time you can't seem to stop wearing them. At work, at PTA meetings, at SM North EDSA, even when we're in HK! You were like a walking endorser of Giordano. Really, how many of those collared shirts did you own?

Another thing, Ma. How come I can never replicate your marinated porkchop? You never did use any measuring tools and yet it tastes the same everytime and so darn delicious... I always end up burning the soy sauce ma and overcooking the meat! Why didn't I pay attention while you were cooking it? Why was I always on my phone or on my computer? And your Mechado!!!! Oh how I wish I asked you teach me how to cook it... because I miss it so much, Ma. I really do...

There are a lot of things I still need you to teach me, Ma. There are still many things I want you to tell me. Things I need to know to help me out now... I know it's its been hard taking care of me when I was young and I was really stubborn.. but I'm ready to listen now. I really need you, Ma... You've always known what I needed even before I even asked for it. Even when it came to things I want, you seem to read my mind... 

There is not a day I don't wish you're here me. There is not a night I don't think of you before I go to sleep. I always imagine that you're just sleeping beside me and snoring like you would always did. I miss you waking me up so we can have breakfast and hear mass together. I miss how you always hug and kiss me, Ma. Why couldn't you grow old with me, Ma? Why did He have to take you away?

I'm tired of being strong... I'm tired of pretending to be okay about you going away. I'm not!! I'm still your little girl, Mommy! Di ba you told that in your eyes and in your heart, I will always be that little Shen-Shen who's so makulit and so mainggay? Well, your little girl needs you now, Ma...

There is nothing that I wouldn't do to have you back, Ma. Most especially on your birthday... We use to make sure that this day is very fun for you, doing all the things that'll make you happy.. Guess what, Ma. You're birthday isn't fun without you... :(

I miss you so much, Ma...
Come back na, please?

Before I end this letter, I just want to wish a Happy Happy Birthday! Don't worry, I won't say what you're true age is... Secret natin 'un. I hope you're happy where you are. I can't wait for the day that I could spend your birthdays with you...
I love you so very much, Mom... You're the best Mom any daughter could ever ask for.

Your loving daughter,

P.S. I won a bag awhile ago at the event... it's fancy silk cocktail bag. It would have been nice on you, Ma. Ayan kasi, umalis ka.. di mo tuloy ma-harbor sakin mga napapanalunan ko! :(

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  1. this was so heart felt. i'm so sorry for your loss :)x

  2. Sorry naman Shen, naiyak ako... Actually di ko ata kakayanin pag mauunahan ako ng mommy ko mawala... i'd rather go first, i can never bear something like that! Imma die of despair! Be strong still. She's proud of you for sure! xxx

  3. Hi Shen, I can feel how badly you miss your mom every time you talk about her. :(

  4. happy birthday shen's mom! :)

    when someone important passed I remembered my dad saying...to not be sad...but be happy- because that person is united with his/her creator...and one day we all will..it's just a matter of time...and that person becomes part of you as an angel...it sounds childish but its a nice though...

    be happy ms. shen :) your mom would want you to for sure

  5. If I had met your mom, I would have thanked her because I have a great friend in her daughter :)

    *hugs* I'm sure she's smiling now and guiding you, always :)


  6. Happy Birthday Mommy Shen! :( I can't help it....you know how much I love mom too and I nearly lost her, so this is a super touching post! *hugs* Nothing can make anything feel better when they lose someone, but I guess we'll just think na they are now our Guardian angels and they are happy with the Lord :)

  7. you made me cry shen... happy birthday to your mom.. wherever she is... she is surely proud of you.. :D

  8. i was touched. naiyak din ako:(

  9. Awww happy birthday to your mom! i know any comforting words are not enough to make you feel better... but i sure hope everything will be fine for you :) *hugs*

    hazel from hazelnot.tumblr.com

  10. touch ako dear.. i really felt your love for your mom.. and how much you missed her..

  11. I'm really enjoying your blog. How long has it been for you? I lost my mom 13 years ago, and like you, still think about her every day. Thank you for sharing this!


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