I was driving on my way to an event when thse song Unpretty by TLC came blasting through my radio. The song really had moving lyrics that I considered it my song for a time in college.
Back in college, I use to date a guy who disapproved of who I was. Lacking of better judgment and probably confidence, I let him treat me that way. I changed the way I spoke, dressed and acted all because I wanted to be the girl he wanted.. It wasn't really a pleasant relationship (if you could even call it one). Needless to day, I ended that when I realized what a fool I was making myself.
I thought I was nothing, unpretty, unworthy. I thought that I had to fit myself to the norm so people would like me. For a time, I let that affect me. Let people dictate what I do in my life. It was really a good thing that I finally stood my ground and said, "Enough!".
Like anyone who's in way over her head, realization is the key. That moment when you say "What the hell am I doing?" That's a beginning of something beautiful...
How was I able to overcome such stupid experiences?
1. Love yourself. I realized that for people to like me, I need to like myself first. I can't pretend liking things just because all my friends like it. My diversity from other people allowed to find my own identity.
2. Explore your interests. Since I stopped conforming to other people, I needed to explore other things that really interests. First, it was music, I explored the bands and artists that my friends were'nt particularly listening to. To see if I like it. It turns out that I have love for independent artists and songs that are from the 80's.
Exploring allowed me to meet other people. For example, when I started making accessories I became friends with those who have similar tastes that I do with gold jewelries. Back then, all my friends just wore silver ones and being a puppet, I did the same.
You want a major example? This blogging! I started to blog because I found people who have the same appreciation as I do in makeup! When people in school, my family and friends barely used makeup, I found people who understood my passion and love for it! With pursuing things that actually interests me, I found new friends. New people I share myself with. And when you have someone who listens to you... you feel less crappier.
3. Love your body. So what if you extra pounds you can't get rid? So what if your boobs are too big that construction workers are gaping at you? So what if your butt is too big? When I start loving my body I became a little bit more conscious on what I eat. It was like I love my body too much that I want to eat only the good things for it. Before I can't eat vegetable, now I can!
This will definitely take time especially if you like your sweets or your burgers. I am in constant struggle with this.. but we are all hoping this will get better in time. After all, we love our body, don't we?
4. Stand up for yourself. Have you ever been told something that really hurt you and you were left dumfounded and when that person already left, that's the time you found something to say? Well, don't stoop down on that person's level. What I do is to try to best that person in what they do. Perform better and take the spotlight away from them. The trick is to render them powerless to hurt you. You don't have to act all bitchy like them to get back at them.
But if you've been treated really badly, let a superior known. Tell them what happened to you. If you let a a person that start to bully you, it will never stop. It's okay to tell a person off when you really feel that you're being abused. Never let this kind of people make you feel unworthy and worst scared of your life.
If it's a boy, do yourself a favor and please break up with him. It's better to be single and happy that be with someone who can't love you for you!
5. Stop explaining yourself! You don't constantly have to defend yourself! You are your own person and you are not beholden to anyone (well, except when to your parents). You don't have to make excuses for the decisions you make. If people don't get you, don't worry about it. What's important is that it makes you happy and you don't hurt anyone, especially yourself!
6. Learn to accept compliments. Having gone through such an ordeal, accepting compliments will be mighty tough. Accepting compliments is easy even when you still feel you don't deserve it, say "Thank you" and say something nice back to the person or just a simple, "You, too." It's shows your polite and the person don't feel awkward by complimenting you.
7. Smile. Nikki always remind us to that even at the worst time we should always flash our pearly whites. And that's something I alway do now. Our smiles opens up our eyes and makes us feel lighter... then, it shows how pretty we really are. :)
8. Know that you were never ugly in the first place! Can you imagine now looking at you, finally putting all those negativity away and finding yourself, that you are the most wonderful person that ever lived! You're unique, you're interesting and people listen to what you say! You make a difference in your loved ones' lives! They appreciate your individuality and your respect for yourself.
So for those who treated you badly, brush them off and just have fun! Life is too short to feel unpretty and to fit yourself to what people want you to be. Remember that the woman who sets herself apart is the one that girls want to be. So start that now!!! You are pretty! And let's add fabulous, at that!
I wrote about this to also remind that in times I feel unpretty that I already overcame it, that I am pretty in my own right. :)