20's 30's

Personal: Quarter Life Crisis



Lately, I have been feeling both extremely low and extremely high that I feel as if I have an undiagnosed Bipolar Disorder.

My Quarter Life Crisis is quite unique and but in a lot of ways, it is the same with what the experts have coined it to be.

Yes to following:
1. Not entirely happy with my current job. (I love my mom and what she left me but this isn't what I imagined myself doing for the rest of my life)
2. Unsure if I really want to have children (Ever since my mom passed away, I can't see myself as a mother)
3. Hoping that I have more savings (this nearly isang kayod, isang tuka is not working for me anymore)
4. Hoping I look a lot better, physical-wise (yes, I am insecure)
5. I wish have traveled more.
6. Feels so left out in terms of career when I compare myself to my friends.
7. Feeling nostalgic of the past.
8. I want my life back when I was in college.
9. I want to do the things I wasn't able to do when I was young.
10. I want to go back to clubbing every Saturday (this is shallow, i know!)
11. I'm a happy person but hardly anything amuses me anymore.
12. This being assertive is not working out for me because I can't use it properly.
13. I want to do more... so much more!!
14. I want this life to be as interesting as I thought it would be when i dreamt it in college.
15. I love being this adult person that I am but I still want to be that girl I was when I was 19.

Here in the Philippines, Quarter Life Crisis usually means discontentment. I feel ashamed for feeling this way because I know I have too much blessings than I could count. I know that I'm so much better off than many women my age. I am not ungrateful of the things I have, it's just that I wish I could turn back time and get a do-over.

I dreamt writing of this post. So, I know I've been feeling this way for a while. Don't mistake me for being entirely too unhappy, I am not. I love my life, my friends, my boyfriend and the family I have left and my career and this blogging... but right now, I can honestly say that it has not been sustaining me. I need something more.

If you're religious, you would think that I need GOD. With Him, no feelings like this will ever happen. But I don't think this is all about Him. I think it was me when I made the series of decisions I did long ago that led me into this state. But you will only end up saying that I give it all up to him while I stare blankly at you, in my head "This is me already giving it all up to Him."

If you're a psychologist, you would probably say, "Since you feel that, what do you think is the best thing to do about it?" I will probably answer, I don't know. A lot of things is hindering me from actually DOING anything about this. Then, you would probably ask what are those and we will be in a game of Questions and Answers portion that will only end up with you saying, "Our time is up, I'll see you next week?" I'll probably say, "I don't think so."

If you're a philosopher, you'd probably tell that its just my perspective that is making me feel that way. That if I could only look at my life in a different angle then I would feel.... well, differently. In the end, I'd end up dizzy playing musical chair that is my life.

If you're my mom, you'd probably tell me to get a grip and get back on track and accept what life has given me. "Your decisions led you to this, deal with it", she would have said. In Tagalog, though.

I am confuse. My feelings are all in shambles. My thoughts are disarray. I am in this seemingly endless pit of Quarter Life Crisis. Even as I write this article, I am near tears and near laughing and thinking "Why the hell am I making such a big deal out of this?"

I need my support group... Right now, I know what I need is someone who would listen to my nonsensical litany.

Thanks for taking the time to read this.

much confused and near tears,

P.S. I do know I can't have everything.

P.P.S. I will be back to regular beauty programming when I have this sorted out even if it's just for a little. For now, bear the melancholy that is hunting me, please?

Photo credit to its owner. Contact me if this is yours to credit you properly.

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18 fab comments

  1. I feel like that a lot too.

    i guess it just takes a conscious effort to CHOOSE to be happy with what we have today, and excited instead of anxious about what tomorrow has in store for us.

    keep strong, shen! and stay pretty.


  2. I'm 19, in a course I'm not 100% on, conflicted with much at home, school, friends and all. I just try to live each day at a time and believe that I'm being guided somewhere.

    You're an amazing woman, loads of people turn to you for your thoughts on beauty and think you're bangin'!

    I know this comment won't probably help, but I just wanted to tell you that you are *amazing*, maybe not as amazing as you'd like, but guess what? The good news is you can do something about it, yes you can. And I believe you will :) You have 3/4 to go, so don't lose hope! Good luck, Shen!

  3. I just came across your blog and saw your sharing. Thank you for opening up yourself on your blog. In some way or others, we all experience this up and down in life. When a loved one passed away, take time to grieve,and remember all the good memory we have with that person. That person will be always in our heart. When we see that we are at the bottle-neck of our career, we are probably one of the expert in that function. No more challenges because we already get used to the job. We always feel challenged only we deal with new jobs/tasks.

    Most of the time, we will feel helpless because we are not in control of the situations. So, take time to accept or take the plunge to make a change if we have the courage to do what we want. If we cannot even make it better, then I just accept it and treasure every moment as no one knows what's going on tomorrow.

    I had experienced some down moments, and I was suggested to cry out to God for help.

    Just feel like to share ....hope that it's not too long...

  4. Shen dear, I don't like to say I understand you completely, I know it's something very complex. Like you, I've been to similar quarter life sh*t 2 years ago, but I don't want to be a doctor whatsoever. All I wanted to say is that I'm just here to listen, & give you a hug, and I'm really hoping to see you soon darling.

  5. Hi! This is a very personal post (which you labeled) so I am not sure if this is free for comment. But I do think that most of us go through the very same experience at one point or another where you aren't be really unhappy but neither are you happy. I don't want to give advice, but I have always found it helpful to take a break from my life when I feel this way. Like, start a new hobby maybe,or go on an adventure--forget the thinking part and just pack your bags. Anything really, that's a break from your life. We often get caught up with dealing with all the things that we have to deal with that we forget to just let it go. Nevertheless, be assured that whatever you are feeling now will pass. Goodluck.

  6. aww..

    i feel for u.
    ganyan dn ako mnsan. at gnyan ung isang close friend ko ngaun.i thnk ganito tlga tau mga girls. may mga "moments".
    but the fact that you were able to write this down is a strong feat in itself. your one step ahead.

    take your time lng sa pgmomoment mo. i thnk it helps mnsan when u let urself feel the sadness. just know when to stop and stand back up. :)


  7. the fact that you acknowledge it is in a way a good thing rather than keeping it bottled all inside. it's a cliche but don't stress about it; it will work out fine. I experienced that myself and I still am. I still feel unfulfilled because I'm not there yet, where there is, I have an inkling but not a concrete idea. =)

    be positive. =)

    *p.s. love reading your posts.

  8. *hugs* Don't worry, we all go through periods like this. I've been having my quarter life crisis for 2 years and I still don't know how to answer my career questions! :D

  9. been like this too..well for years now so imagine that! you're not alone sis.. actually up to now, I have almost gave up my social life online and w/ the real world. Like you a lot of things are stopping me to do this and imagine now I still don't have kids yet..But someone told me. that I need kids na.. they make life so much colorful daw. But like you..yun nga I think I want to go back and be young again and Motherhood is not my thing..pero sabi nila it will change daw for you and your partner... Funds wise I feel you too.. we tried to grab everything we wanted kaya eto we're working so hard to get savings..coz we'll never know.. sometimes I feel na nakakasawa pala maging high maintenance.. how good it feels nung simple pa..simple pa ang gusto ko..simple lang ang happiness..

    ok lang that you feel that..means you are aware na nangyayari yan. just talk to him. and pray that he'll always guide you and give you wisdom to make good decisions and good health to fight the everyday trials.

    lav yah Shen! Take Care!

  10. oh, so this is what it's called! i've been feeling something like this for the past 5 years. i guess it's normal for us to feel inadequate sometimes. the way i battle it, i set up goals that are definitive and come up with a carefully planned way to accomplish that goal, however simple or great that is. when i get to finish goal after goal (like the 30 before 30 project), it gives me a sense of contentment and insipiration to move on to something greater. this wouldn't solve the crisis though, as one would still snap back to feeling down, but that's ok. what's important is you see improvement on the quality of your life as compared to how it was before rather than comparing to someone else!

    stay strong! :D

  11. Shen, I know exactly how you feel. Been experiencing quarter life crisis since last year. But then I look forward to the better things that will happen. We will all get through it. :)

  12. I'm approaching my 25th year soon and it's crazy, too! I can't say if I ever really had my crisis already but you know that I'm here for you. You know my number and you can DM me on Twitter if you need me. Love ya, partner!

  13. aww shen ^^ by bonifacio day I too will be officially on my quarter life.. i feel your sentiments, and we are on the same boat, im scared too.. but so long as we still find happiness in the littlest and simplest of things then we could get by.. to finding our own northern star! apir! ^^

  14. sometimes life is too hard and really harsh but when we learned to accept that their is always good in every bad things, we may learn to fully grasp our present situation. I have been through tough and painful incident in my life and sometimes i still could not hide the pain and will instantly cry with the thoughts of it. I know you can pass this feeling and you'll be on your feet again in no time but for a while, try to savor every bit of the pain that causing and in the end you will find the true bliss that was totally meant for you.

  15. I'm turning 32 this year. I have a lot of the same feelings you do. Sometimes I want to just forget about the credit card debt and the house payments and just run away and travel. I wish I had the guts. Hope you are working through this, as I am.

  16. hi :) first i would like to share the things i learn from a book that i read before about quarter life crisis... QLC usually starts in mid-20s... this is the time that we realize that the things we thought we are going to be, back in highschool did not happen or not happening now that we are already adults. that's why we get depressed and disappointed...

    now i want to share my quarter life crisis and the things i am doing or trying to cope up.. i am experiencing QLC since... uhmm 2008 because that's the year i started to feel lonely, unsatisfied, unfulfilled... and it was the start of my bad lucks.. i am also not happy with my work; im a NBSB girl; i feel unpretty; no savings; my parents depends on me; unhealthy; et al... because of all those drama i sometimes feel weak and unable to function in work that makes me decide to skip work (which of course causes further disappointments) and stay in a coffee shop and think about what the hell am i doing with my life?! i talked to a lot of my friends/family about it.. most of them made me feel worse but i have a few that really made sense... one friend asked me "what would make you happy?" i answered i don't know because everytime i say i want this and that and i was able to get it, i end up regretting my decision of wanting those things in my life..example is my job, i've been wanting my current job last few months back but now that i have it.. i no longer like it.. so i am really confuse.. one friend also asked "when was the last time you really felt happy and contented?" and i looked back and i remember is the year 2007 wherein i was able to be part of a business and because of that business i was able to travel to different places... so far with those two questions i came up with conclusions that i am happy if i have a business and if i get to travel to different places.. then, my friends asked "then why don't you do it again?" i answered because i don't have the resources and parents does not support the ideas... friends asked me again questions then i think about the answer.. and so on and so forth...... in summary.... i need to get to the bottomline on why i dont get the things that can make me happy or feel fulfilled and work on those things... i created my bucketlist..i know it is too early to do that but i feel fulfilled whenever i accomplished things listed on my list, which also gives me happiness because it makes me feel that i am closer to my goals.. i am currently on that stage of accomplishing every goal on the list.......

    so i would like to suggest that a day off from everyone and stay in one place for you to think about the things that you really want to happen or things that will make you happy...and trace the roots on why you can't have it then work on it... they might be goals when you were that i missed to accomplish... example one of the goals i wanted before was to have at least a master degree.. so i enrolled and currently taking up a masters degree... and this time i did not regret that decision because i am always excited to go to school than go to work.. :)

    i am still struggling with my QLC.. i am not yet done... but i am taking it one step at a time.. you can also do it shen! you can walk with me...we can overcome QLC and become the person that we want to be... :)

    p.s. sorry for the very long comment

  17. i am still a student but i do feel that way sometimes. there was even a time when i felt like that for one whole sem. i really thought i have an undiagnised depression, hehe. but i really tried to be at the top of the situation, and try to deal tih the real issues. sometimes, we have to go deeper into the issues and find the root of those feelings. being a psychology student really doesn't guarantee that i would know how to handle every situation. but it kinda gives you an edge in terms of options and firm theoretical concepts which may help you out. No one can really tell what;s the problem, at the end of the day, it's still you whose gonna help yourself out 9osychotics are exempted. hehe). for the meantime, we (your readers) would be appreciative of your openness and in return, we would understand if you would post things like this so you could lighten up the burden. goodluck ms. shen. i always love to read your posts (even if i comment once in a blue moon). hug =)

  18. i feel for you, shen! everybody goes through a rough patch like that once in a while. i think it won't be consolation to say you will feel worse before you feel better, but have confidence that these things will pass for sure!

    acknowledging that you are sad and being able to pinpoint exactly what things affect you now are remarkable. you are certainly on your way to recovery.


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