To the Never Been Single Girls

People will always judge you and that's okay. I find that most of these judgments are rarely about us. It speaks more about themselves.

When I was watching the How To Be A Single, I thought that it would play mockery on women like me who were practically never single in their life. I never Eat, Pray, Love to anywhere and anything in. There was no journey alone I felt I needed to take. I was comfortable being in relationship and it just so happened that it was easy enough to find a men/boys to be with then. Was it co-dependency issues? Right now, it barely matters.

I may have fallen - got trapped  even - in some dick-sands but I don't consider them condemning. I mean sure I hated a few of my exes but some of them still remain very good friends to this day. I guess back then and as I see it now, I was in love with love. I liked the sweet nothings, the late night talks, the hanky panky and all those things. But that's because I'm a romantic and I like making them feel special. I like sweeping men off their feet and I was pretty good at it. I know, these realizations are freaking me out, too. Looking back it was so obvious that all of those relationship were never going to last because I wasn't truly in love with any of them.

And if some were such assholes to me, I have a new understanding about it. Men who comes into our lives are like a buffet of lipsticks. Some will make us pretty, some will make us look like shit and the rest well, they are there just so we have something to use for the day. And it's always different with each and everyone of us. So, if a man is asshole to me.... It is quite a reality that he is a prince charming to someone else. Yes, this is true because I have seen my exes become such great men to their wives and girlfriends now and these girls didn't have to do anything!
But yes, there are men are will forever remain a dud. LOL!

So don't try to change a man! Don't think that an asshole will change its spots for you. He won't, Find a man who won't on the onset be an ass to you. If he is an asshole for the first two dates, say your sayonaras. Some relationships are also never meant to last and we have to accept to that and move on. And it's vice versa. Never try to be an Air Jordan if you really are an Under Armour gal. No need to fit the mold and rather move on and find someone who will love you for who you are .Exercise that right to swipe left or right on Tinder than try to change a man that's clearly not meant for you.

Being in a relationship do not render anyone incapable or weak. I think this misconception is unfounded and borderline cliche.

To be honest, I think I'm more handy with tools and more knowledgeable about cars and entertainment system than most guys I dated. Single blessedness is not necessarily the only way to learn survival skills. I'm sure many women out there can relate! Not all women who choose to be in relationship are needy clueless chicks who can't reset their HDTV or their iPhones.

Being in a relationship means we're scared to be alone.

Even when you are with someone, you can have all the time you want to yourself. Fuck the notion that you van never be alone. It's always a state of mind and the right guy will understand your need for a breather. And again, vice versa so men have their Poker Nights and Boys Night Outs. We are not co-dependents to our significant others nor will we not function without them.

I admit, I once thought that I wouldn't be able to define who I truly am outside this relationship. Utter shitload. Whoever put that idea in my head deserves to be shot. I came into this relationship an empty vessel not knowing what to do in myself but there was enough freedom to explore and enjoy my life on my own.  It was being in a relationship that I was able to unravel the beauty addict that I am that allowed to discover this world and try my hands at it. It was also during this relationship that I evolved to become the person who I am now. And at the end of the day, I get to tell my man how awesome my day went and we have great sex after.

There are things we may have given up along the way but these are the things that being a in relationship teaches you. It teaches you selflessness and it teaches you to be honest, to share and grow in love. Being in relationship teaches you accountability and responsibility. And it brings so much joy and peace because you are sharing a part of you with someone and that someone uses it for inspiration and strength to be a better man. Having someone to hold you at night and to have that person listen to your most mundane thoughts are only the beginning of the perks.

Being not single do not make us less of a person. We are whole whether we are alone or with someone. Don't assume that time alone or being alone is immediately the answer to your questions. The only two reasons you need to be single is if you are not in love with the one you're with and when you are only hurting (emotionally and physically) in that relationship.

That's the beauty of having a choice, you can be alone or choose to be with someone, it's all up to you. But know that you're always whole as a person. We will not wallow in tears if we become single...well, maybe for a week or two we will, but we will rise above it and hustle like all the other women in the world. Because at the end of the day, being in a relationship do not define us. It is a choice we made.

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  1. I love this. Must read. Ill share this :)

  2. oh dear.. worth reading.. worth sharing..


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